Research has indicated that women’s interest in sex decreases during pregnancy and that it never quite returns to what it was before having a baby. This can make it tricky if you have a partner who assumes that after physically healing from birth, that sex will return to ‘normal’ (i.e., pre-baby).

Instead, it often doesn’t, and there’s a new normal. Sometimes, this can be a point of tension within a relationship.

Sex after baby can take a hit for many reasons, like:

• • Body image. Your body has changed and is different to what it used to be. This might be uncomfortable or unhappy for some women.
  • Sleep deprivation. It’s hard to feel sexy when you’re desperately tired, and when sex takes time out of your limited sleep opportunities
  • Feeling ‘touched out’. Looking after, feeding, and holding your baby can mean that you crave alone time or time when your body is not being touched, and sex does not meet this need.
  • Stress. Having babies and being at home can involve high demands, and stress can decrease interest in sex.
  • Urges to urinate; this can be way more often than before and for some women, can affect interest in sex.
  • Relationship distress. Conflict and strain in a relationship is most likely to happen after having a baby. Everybody’s tired, communication decreases, the demands increase, and resentment can creep in. If you’re not feeling connected to your partner, interest in sex can decrease.
  • Birth trauma will do it. There can be fear of sex, pregnancy, and childbirth as a result of birth trauma, and if you have had physical birth trauma, this can make anybody tentative about sex.
  • Breastfeeding can decrease interest in sex and cause dryness.

 

On top of this, there can be several sexual difficulties for women who have a baby aged 3 to 12 months. Research has indicated that this can involve:

• • Pain
  • Lack of lubrication
  • Difficulty reaching orgasm
  • Bleeding or irritation during or after sex
  • Loss of interest (like we covered before).

 

If you’ve had a baby, the odds are that sex (and your interest in it) has changed during this process. These are the sorts of conversations that are valuable to have with your partner, but it can be hard to articulate why things are different.

The other tricky part is that women can experience sexual difficulty or dysfunction after having a baby. Many women don’t seek help for this. If you experience pain, dryness, bleeding, or other difficulties during sex, it doesn’t have to be this way. If you can connect with women’s health practitioners (GPs and women’s health physiotherapists are great places to start), then there’s the opportunity for change.