Adjusting to Motherhood: Coping Statements
You have your baby.
You get home.
And in amongst the sleepless nights and new responsibility caring for your little person, a small voice in the back of your head questions your ability to look after baby. And when the going gets tough, the voice can get LOUD.
Those times when you can’t settle your baby.
Those times when breastfeeding is tough.
Those times you’re not feeling the love.
Those times you feel completely alone.
Those times when you feel overwhelmed or aren’t coping.
Those times when you have no idea what to do.
What does that voice tell you? I bet it’s things like:
‘You’re failing’
‘You can’t do this’
‘You should be doing better’
‘You should be coping better’
‘You’re a bad mother’
And in these moments, new mums often need practical help and support. Someone to take the baby for a minute so you can breathe. Someone to tell you that you’re doing ok.
But sometimes, that’s not available: Like when it’s 3pm and everyone’s working. Or 3am and everyone’s sleeping. And that negative voice can seem so loud, on top of what’s happening with baby.
This resource has coping statements for those tough times. When that voice tells you that you’re not doing good enough as a mother. Download and print off this document. Stick it in your bathroom, the fridge, or baby’s room- wherever you need. Or leave it in saved in your phone.
I hope you can look at this document and find something helpful there to tell yourself. See if it can help you get by another minute.
Take another breath.
Cope a little longer.
You can do this, mama.
You are doing the best you can.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
When you are stressed or tense, it can be hard to relax. And when you are chronically tense, this becomes your normal, making it hard to identify when you are actually relaxed.
This audio track is an active form of relaxation where you tense and tighten major muscle groups in a controlled way- and this can actually help relax you. It takes just 12 minutes to practice.
Self-Compassion for Mothers 
Motherhood can involve all types of emotions. It can bring the greatest joy, pride, and laughs. And it can also bring up difficult feelings.
Mum guilt.
Anxiety, worry, and fear.
Anger and frustration.
Confusion.
Overwhelm and upset.
And sometimes, shame or hopelessness.
These feelings can be hard to cope with at times. This is a brief self-compassion exercise where you practise bringing kindness towards your difficult feelings- which can also help you cope with them.
Defusion for Mothers
Mothers can be troubled by painful thoughts at times, such as worrying about if you are a good enough mother, or even a bad mother. These unhelpful thoughts can cause distress and suffering, as well as interfere with enjoying your life or your parenting role.
This exercise presents a brief ‘Cognitive Defusion’ exercise. Cognitive defusion involves changing your relationship with unhelpful thoughts by seeing them differently. The aim is to separate from painful thoughts so that they bother you less- and cause less distress. This brief exercise steps you through one way that you can do this, using a visualisation.
Managing Worry about the Future: Balance your Thinking
Sometimes it can be really hard to control worry or overthinking about things that haven’t happened yet. Uncertainty can breed worry, and often people get very focused on all the things that could go wrong, or spend time dwelling on worst case scenarios. This might feel helpful- you’re prepared for the worst, right? And then reality is often much nicer than what you’ve imagined, so you feel relief when the future eventuates. However, this position overlooks the fact that in the meantime, you’ve endured a lot of unnecessary worry and distress- because the worst-case scenario rarely eventuates. It also overlooks just how much time and energy you’ve poured into all-consuming worry.
This resource aims to help you balance your worry and thinking about the worst-case scenarios that play in your mind. You’ll reflect on multiple outcomes and their likelihood. This can help shift unnecessary worry as you’re considering the bigger picture- not just the worst picture.
Observe Your Thoughts: Waves on a Beach
Often, we take thoughts at face value. So when your mind tells you negative things about yourself, you’re inclined to believe it- even when it’s unhelpful or untrue. This can cause turmoil and distress.
This exercise aims to help you separate from your thoughts by observing them in a new way and without judgement (this is called ‘Cognitive Defusion’). In this audio track, you’ll be asked to visualise your thoughts as separate to you and part of the ocean surf. You learn to look at your thoughts and hold them more lightly, which can shift how poorly your thoughts make you feel.
Credit: Wave sound effects obtained from zapsplat.com.