You may have heard the expression, ‘Name it to tame it’. The idea goes that if you can name what you are feeling, then you can regulate how intense or strong this emotion is.

As a starting point, yes, this is right.

And, it’s not always as simple as naming emotions to tame how strong they are. I’m sure we’ve all had an experience such as telling someone else, ‘I am overwhelmed’, ‘I am furious’, ‘I am disgusted’, ‘I am stressed’, and the feelings are just as intense as before you named them.

This is because emotions are complex whole-body experiences, which serve important purposes. Depending on the situation and emotion, their purpose can vary widely. The rule of thumb, however, is that they are communication that often guides our behaviour – without us having to think too much about what to do.

When we say ‘I am jealous’, the hidden language is that jealous = who we are. This doesn’t help anyone feel better.

This is why Acceptance and Commitment Therapy encourages language that distances you from your emotions. This can look like:

• • Here’s a feeling of sadness
  • I notice a feeling of joy
  • I recognise the emotion shame has showed up
  • I’m observing a feeling of guilt
  • I acknowledge the emotion of pride

If you try language that separates you from your feelings, notice what happens to the emotions?
Odds are, the edge might come off a little bit. But again, if you have strong feelings, it won’t regulate them entirely – emotions are complex.
Sometimes they need to be acted on.
Sometimes they need to be experienced and expressed.
Sometimes, you need someone else’s support. This is ok.
There are many different ways to regulate emotion, particularly intense ones.